Have you ever had anyone do something to you or a loved one that caused great pain, loss or humiliation? Did you have trouble forgiving that person? Or perhaps you feel justified to be vengeful?

Almost all of us have been there. Maybe you’ve tried to forgive that person, but to no avail; or maybe the heartache was so great that you have no interest in ever forgiving the offender. These responses, understandable as they may be, can lead us to many replays of what happened that fuel destructive feelings like bitterness and hatred — even an unhealthy obsession with wanting harm to come to the wrongdoer.

Truly, unforgiveness is a powerful negative force that can add a lifetime of additional pain to the injury already suffered. As someone has said, “unforgiveness is like taking a poison pill and expecting someone else to die.” This response to the one(s) who hurt us can harm us even more, and in some cases, also hurt the people we love most. 

But real forgiveness is costly. It’s not just looking the other way when wronged or making light of what was done. It’s not blowing it off as if nothing ever happened. True forgiveness is extremely hard because the price to forgive means we actually absorb the evil we forgive, taking the hurt the person has inflicted on us while we release the guilty one. Forgiveness that sets us free requires absorbing the pain and letting go of any desire to get even. To truly forgive is to say “you no longer owe me a thing” to the one who doesn’t deserve forgiveness.

Jesus understood very well how it feels to be hurt, abused, ridiculed, rejected, ignored, disrespected and humiliated. He experienced all these offenses and more, yet as He died on the cross, He prayed, “Father, forgive them…” for those who put Him there. Earlier, as He taught His disciples what we know as “The Lord’s Prayer,” Jesus said we must ask God to “forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.” He explained that it is only right for us to forgive those who offend us if we ask God to forgive us our offenses.

Clearly, God doesn’t want us to exist in a miserable state of bondage to unforgiveness that can eat us up like acid. God also knows how hard it is for us to let go of our unforgiveness, and He promises to help us to forgive if we ask Him (Ephesians 3:20).

Perhaps Hannah More, who greatly influenced the outlawing of slavery in the British Empire, summed it up best when she said, “[It is] cheaper to pardon than to resent. Forgiveness saves the expense of anger, the cost of hatred, and the waste of spirit.” Truly, forgiveness allows us to escape the damning pains of past hurts.

As we forgive as He forgives us, we can, by God’s grace, be set free to enjoy all that God has for us in the present and future.

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This article first appeared in the March 2023 issue of “STROLL in The Canyons” magazine.