In his book, The Road Less Traveled, M. Scott Peck calls listening the work of genuine love. I would add that active listening is a demonstration of respect for the one speaking to us.

I must confess that I am not always the best listener. One reason is because I (like many men) go into a mental box and can focus on only one thing at a time. So, when my wife is telling me something, if I’m in my box, then the message isn’t getting through because I’m only half-listening. It goes in one ear and out the other.

A big reason why we don’t always listen well is because we are distracted by TV shows, radio programs, the computer or all kinds of devices. Even when she’s in another room, my wife can tell when I’m on my smartphone because I’m not all there. I’m not “being present.”

For those of us who need to improve our listening skills, we might do well to check out what the Book of Proverbs recommends. Here are just a few helpful hints:

When we need sound advice:

“Let the wise listen and add to their learning, and let the discerning get guidance.” – Proverbs 1:5

“The wise are glad to be instructed, but babbling fools fall flat on their faces.” – Proverbs 10:8

When someone offers us constructive criticism: 

“If you ignore criticism, you will end in poverty and disgrace; if you accept correction, you will be honored.” – Proverbs 13:18

When someone else is talking, and we are eager to respond:

“To answer before listening – that is folly and shame.” – Proverbs 18:13

“Fools find no pleasure in understanding but delight in airing their own opinions.” – Proverbs 18:2

Another piece of helpful advice is making sure we look at the eyes of the one speaking when we are with them in person. The author Stephen Covey said, “In empathic listening you listen with your ears, but more importantly, listen with your eyes and with your heart.” Our eyes reveal where we are focused, and they should always be on the speaker and not wandering around the room or on a cell phone or computer.

Like any discipline, being a good listener is intentional and takes constant practice. But there is nothing better to show that we value, respect and even love others than to listen well. 

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This article first appeared in the May edition of STROLL The Canyons magazine.